Facing my own mortality
This month I turned 45, which means that I am now well into midlife and closer to 50 than 40. A sobering thought.
Last year, at the tender age of 44, I wrote about how I’ve enjoyed my 40s so far. I explained that I am surprisingly much better at getting things done than I was in my 20s and 30s, which has given me hope for the next few decades to come.
However, turning 45 has flared up my inherent FOMO (or fear of missing out). FOMO is often defined as social anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere. For me, it is manifested in a different way, as a fear of running out of time and missing the opportunity to achieve my many dreams.
I am full of ideas of what I’d like to accomplish over the next two decades of my career, but am now wondering if I will be able to do them all. I mean, I am in the final half of my life now. Yikes.
And the fact that my father passed away way too soon, at age 58, only makes things worse – at the very least, it reminds me of how fragile life is. It also makes me wonder how many years I have left, whether I will use those years wisely and whether I’ll leave a worthwhile legacy behind. (I assume this is what all aspiring authors wonder about.)
Needless to say, this train of thought is not productive and is a lot of self-imposed pressure to have to deal with. I’m sure you’re exhausted just reading this.
Stopping the ‘pity party’
Being the self-help nerd that I am, I have been trying to figure out ways to manage my FOMO and reduce the self-sabotage. I thought I’d share about some things I’ve identified, in the hope that it will help others in similar situations.
And while I was jotting down ideas for this post, I thought about the career-altering journey I’ve been on in the past few years. I realised that although there is always an underlying level of FOMO in my mind (I guess it’s just my nature), there were also other challenges I had to tackle before getting to this point. I also thought of some other people I know that seem to be experiencing mid-career challenges, some of which are a bit different from my own.
So, instead of making this post just about tackling FOMO, I’ve expanded it to three common challenges I’ve observed. Because they are all very different, I’ll be sharing my insights and suggested solutions for each challenge in shorter, separate posts over the next few weeks.
Common mid-career challenges (according to me)
From what I’ve observed in myself and others around me, there seem to be three key mid-career challenges:
feeling lost
feeling stuck
having FOMO.
I’ve experienced all three in the past few years. I started out by identifying that I needed a change but didn’t know what the next best step would be. Then, once I figured out what I wanted, I was afraid to go for it. Now that I’ve done it (or at least fulfilled one of my dreams and made space for others), the floodgates have opened and I’m worried that I’ll run out of time to put all of my ideas into action.
But not everyone will go through the same journey. Some people will feel lost for a while, then take some action to get back on track and fall back in love with their already awesome career. Some will easily identify what they want to do, such as a life-long passion, and they will just need to build up the courage or free up the mental space to pursue it. And many people are good at living in the present and being content, and may never experience FOMO.
How mid-career drama feels
You’ve achieved relative success in your career and you’re generally good at what you do. But now, a couple of decades in, you’re no longer sure it’s the career for you. Or you feel that your general excitement about work has faded.
Work is a significant part of your identity so this is really getting to you. It also pays the bills and is something you’ve invested 20 years of your life in, so it’s not something you can just abandon.
You may be experiencing one or more of the following:
1. The work is too easy.
You no longer feel as challenged as you used to since you’ve been doing the work for so long.
It is all too familiar and you feel like you’re doing the same-old over and over again. You’re seeing the same people, doing the same projects and routines.
2. The work is too hard.
Your profession is moving into a direction that doesn’t align with your strengths and interests. Keeping up would require a lot of effort.
There is too much change and disruption in your industry and you want a role with more stability and certainty.
3. Your priorities have changed.
Your job requires a lot of energy and responsibility. You’re no longer interested in devoting so much time to your job.
You are in a new season of life. You no longer want to be climbing the corporate ladder. Flexibility is more important than a large salary and a fancy job title.
Where to start
I will get into ways you can tackle the various challenges over the next few weeks. For now, I want to share two general suggestions:
Appreciate the positive through perspective.
Face the negative through a reality check.
Get some perspective
In terms of perspective, don’t forget all the knowledge, skills, experience and contacts you’ve accumulated so far. If you’re lucky, you have some savings and a big chunk of your mortgage is paid off. If you’re a parent, you are likely beyond the diapers and sleepless nights stage, so finally have more time to focus on yourself. These are all things to be grateful for but also things you can leverage as you are gearing up for the next phase of your career.
Yes, you may not have the same sense of excitement, wonder or limitless opportunities you had at the start of your career. But you do have more self-awareness and credibility in your professional network, both of which can help you achieve things more efficiently and effectively.
Aging has its perks, too.
Get real
In terms of the reality check, I think it’s important to recognise that taking action is key.
You can’t improve your situation without taking some kind of action. And you won’t know whether something is right for you until you experience it yourself…no matter how many books you read on the subject or how many hours you spend considering your options.
It’s also important to be aware that taking action isn’t always easy. First, it requires facing your fears. Second, it involves effort and possibly even discomfort - things may get bad before they get good. Third, there is no guarantee that you will make the right choice.
But imagine the rewards if you do improve things for yourself. At the very least, you will know you tried and won’t have so many regrets.
Thanks for taking the time to read the post. Check out part 2 here.